Dan, in the March 25, 2015 edition of your “Savage Love” column you received the following question
I found this in an online sex ad: “Straight guy with an addiction to massive cocks in my ass.” This “straight guy” went on to mention his girlfriend. Can a person really identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? I understand that straight guys can like ass play too, but it’s not like he wants to be pegged by his girlfriend or use a dildo on himself. He’s straight-up (heh-heh) looking for hung dudes to fuck his ass.
Jaded And Wondering, Dude’s Really On Pussy?
Your response to JAWDROP comes really close to being perfect. Though personally I would have started by asking why JAWDROP cared, but that’s really not important at this point. Let’s talk about your response;
Can a person identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? Ha-ha-ha. Yes. I was pretending to be straight when I was 15, Pastor Ted “Meth and Man Ass” Haggard was pretending to be straight when he was 45, and Congressman Aaron Schock is still pretending to be straight.
Yes, there are many people that pretend to be straight while on the down low. I will point out that Ted Haggard has actually came out as Bisexual, and as far as I know the claim that Congressman Schock is Gay really comes down to him posting some shirtless pictures online. Under that argument Vladimir Putin is Gay.
As for the guy behind that online sex ad: He is most likely bisexual and rounding himself down to straight. There’s a much smaller chance he’s straight and it isn’t the massive cocks that turn him on, JAWDROP, but the boundary-shattering/identity-upending violation that being pounded by massive cocks represents. It could also be a “forced bi” thing, and he’s doing this to please a dominant girlfriend.
This is the part that comes close to perfect, you acknowledge that he might be Bisexual and you accept that there may be other reasons that a straight man might want to have sex with other men. And then you have to ruin this with an aside;
Or—and this is a lot likelier than straight or forced bi—he’s a gay guy who pretends to be a straight guy online because the ruse attracts gay and bi guys turned on by the boundary-crossing/identity-upending violation that shoving their massive cocks up a straight guy’s ass represents.
You had to go there didn’t you? You had to say that you think that he’s a Gay guy pretending to be straight. You had to ruin your awesome response with this. And, in my opinion anyway, it’s only the aside that ruins this. Let’s read it again without the offending comment
Or he’s a gay guy who pretends to be a straight guy online
That would have been fine, the only way that could have been better is if you would have added a “or Bisexual” after “gay” there. You made your point, you would have even made your biphobic fans happy because they would have read that as you saying that all men who have sex with men are Gay. But you had to add in that you think it’s more likely that he’s lying to everyone. Hopefully you understand why, given your history, that you might want to resist that urge in the future.
Though I do have to hand it to you, you ended it just right
Only way to know for sure: Ask him yourself. No guarantee you’ll get a straight answer, of course, but only he knows for sure what’s up with him.
Yes, the only person who can tell you what label they are comfortable with is that person. And does anything else really matter, unless it affects you personally (and it really doesn’t affect JAWDROP either way) you should assume people are telling the truth.
So, you gave a response to someone that started well, ended good, and had 11 words in the middle that shouldn’t have been there.
I’ll give you a B- grade on this one, big improvement for the days where you would have never even used the word “Bisexual”, or only used it to claim that it’s only a stepping stone to being Gay, but you still have a lot of room for more improvement.